How to Cope Living with a Golf Fanatic
Have a Fanatic Golfer as a Partner? Tips from Golf Widow
Apr 30, 2009
The golfing man does not follow normal behaviour rules, for example, if he was told he was not well endowed and could do better in bed, secretly he would be delighted, realising there would be no pressure to perform before the next monthly medal.
Tell him you heard the club pro say he ‘comes over the top’ and he would be utterly mortified. “What do you mean?’ he’d demand with panic. Following are ten things to avoid saying and doing, if for you want to keep him happy.
Tips for Women Living with a Golf Fanatic
- If you go to watch him hit balls at the driving range don’t say ‘Darling why do you do that funny movement with your hips?’ If, with horror written on his face, he asks what move, for goodness sake don’t show him!
- After a bad round, which seems to be most weeks, he’ll turn up at home with a new golf club he’s just bought from the pros shop. Don’t say anything, it’s his retail therapy. Just look forward to the pair of shoes you can buy the next day.
- If he suggests you hit a few balls down the range one day while he teaches you, agree with a smile, but don’t listen to anything he says or you will never hit the ball well. If he insists, ask him to show you how it’s done. He’ll soon forget you’re there and you can use the time to catch up with friends on the phone
- If he’s putting on the carpet at home, do not ask to have a go. Any man who putts at home is a fanatic and will undoubtedly be trying a new strange theory he read about in the latest golf magazine. If you picked up the putter, swung naturally and beat him, it would be absolutely catastrophic. You’d be sitting next to ‘Mr Grumpy’ for the rest of the evening.
- If you are having dinner with friends, avoid talking about golf, and if you do, never get up and imitate his odd hip movement. First he will deny he does anything like it, but when his friend backs you up, he’ll be a nightmare for days.
- At all costs try to avoid watching him on the course. At home, you can shout from the other room to put the kettle on and he won’t hear. On the golf course he’ll have the senses of a bat. The smallest rustle from your skirt, he’ll look at you as though you’ve sounded a klaxon on his back swing.
- If for some reason you really want to impress him, do not get his clubs out and clean his grips with furniture polish. If that’s what you’ve done, and your reading this waiting for him to come home, quickly phone a friend. When the grip slipped out of his hand on the first tee, the air was blue - best disappear for the evening.
Compliments Go a Long Way
If you ever watch golf on television and you fancy a lovely weekend away, tell him he looks a bit like the pro who’s just hit off. It won’t matter who it is, his brain will find a way to accept the compliment. You could ask for anything you want, but don't expect to get to the mirror for a week.
Enjoy the weekend! And you may get a handbag thrown in!
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